Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize