just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
