I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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