U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
