Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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