Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
