Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
