Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
