Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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