im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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