some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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