happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
