Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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