Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize