the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
