Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
