i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she smelled like a LAN party
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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