You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
