the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that