My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.