Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
