i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
