If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
