I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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