Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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