I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
why is half of my head shaved?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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