I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
