I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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