getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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