I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
