I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
