Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
