Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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