Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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