I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
