hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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