Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
