***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
