My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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