So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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