I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
