I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
