I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
