He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
