I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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