I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize