tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
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she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.