So drunk, too bad you don't want this
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh