how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.