...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?