There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
