Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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