Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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