you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
