Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
