i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize