Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
