dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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