i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
