and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
