her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
