there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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