Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why did my mother make you get naked?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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