So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
