My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
